True Equation for a Flourishing Life
This week, I have been reminded at every turn of the true equation of a flourishing life. Trusting people regardless of their dysfunction equals a better life for me. AND on the other side of that sidewalk is the idea that if there a proverbial 10 people, 3 out of 10 LOVE you, 3 out of 10 HATE you, and the 4 in the middle are where the opportunities of love and life come to from.
Sometimes in life, it’s difficult to initially gain clarity on which category those 10 people fall into. One of the secrets I have learned is that it’s better to treat all 10 as trustworthy. Treating the 3 that hate you (will never trust you truly) as trustworthy gives them the opportunity to show their true colors, and then you can adjust how you show up. The alternative is to make everyone prove they are trustworthy first. It is truly better to love and trust fully than to never have trusted or loved at all.
For those of us who truly are about the win-win, there are times to prioritize the least amount lost. I wish I didn’t have to learn those lessons the hard way; however, I am grateful for them. The interesting thing is that as soon as I embraced prioritizing the least amount lost in that appropriate season, the momentum of a breakthrough began. Another time, I will share that story, but the mantra was that, though this cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars, it will make me millions.
I really do love living by the idea that “life is life” BUT for that to be lived fully, I also had to learn how to steward the “Life is Death” season as well, which is a different stewardship. Thank God they really are shorter in time span.
I digress. Anyway.
The first relationship I had to focus on to to unlock that equation has been with myself. Though this equation is true, we can definitely uplevel how we steward it. Thank Goodness!!!
My Relationship With Myself
The secret, not-so-secret truth is I am a true visionary cloaked as a traditional business owner. Because I wear the traditional business owner cloak well, I had a friend years ago who assumed that my home would be like the home in Sleeping With The Enemy, where everything was completely organized, alphabetical, and perfect. However, in my home, you can see the definite signs of creativity. AND yes, it’s a home, not a house.
Lessons From A Cleaning Business
There are two sides to the maintenance of a house/home. Clean and Organized. I’m grateful that in my cleaning business journey, I’ve had the privilege of seeing how hundreds of people created/managed their homes/houses. There are two ends of the spectrum. On one end is a sterile, perfectly organized, minimalist house. The other end is entirely chaotic, with hoarding and mess. Most people live in between.
Without my cleaning company, I would have erred more on the hot mess side of things. BUT I saw how anchoring in the “house” side of the middle of the spectrum actually did bring me more peace. I’ve built systems around how I steward my home, as I wanted to love and steward well at its finest level. A clean home matters. Hence, I built a cleaning business. An organized home also matters. I got to clean so many houses that were full of “things” that filled the physical space that had no true meaning.
What some might not consider is that it costs real time and money to clean or dust those things, pay the mortgage, taxes, and insurance on that space, and keep things picked up or encourage your kids to pick up their things.
I personally have an amazing organizer who supports me routinely in keeping my home organized, as this is not my joy or natural state. People are human. Kids are human. Things break. Beauty matters. Home is a sanctuary. Peace matters. A fish feels better in water that suits it. There’s a whole other chapter on the importance of beauty and peace for another time. I’ve learned a lot of its gifts through creating a wedding venue. How something looks is just as important as its structure. What bride wants to look or feel ugly? I’ve learned how to create beauty in space and its importance.
My business ventures have triggered the “prioritize people over things” story in my life. Owning a cleaning company was absolutely a brilliant move on God’s part. It has taught me that prioritization and stacks of significance is different than success.
Bathrooms, floors, and kitchens are the most objective things we clean. Either they are clean or not. They are usually the places with the least amount of stuff that is subjective.
I hate dusting. If we didn’t have to dust as a company, I would have found it much easier to scale. Dusting is the most subjective aspect of cleaning. Everyone’s happy place is somewhere on the spectrum. Some people want a comprehensive every detail touched, others are grateful to get the annual cobwebs removed, and most are in the middle. Knowing where the “ocean shore” is for that individual client sometimes takes a moment to clarify.
In addition, we dust by our views. We traditionally focus on what our eyes can see. So it can be nuancedly-challenging to train others to look beyond what their eyes can see. For example, as I am tall, I can see the top of the refrigerator. Most of my team members are below average height. Do they naturally see the top of the fridge? Not so much. Do I naturally see the top of the fridge AND the fridge door and its fingerprints? Yes because they both fall into my line of sight. So when a tall client sees the top of the fridge that has been missed, they don’t always take into account that the person cleaning did not see what they saw, so that is why they missed it. They assume, as we all do, that everyone sees what we see. So if they saw it and did not clean it, then it must mean they are either incompetent or they did not care. It does not occur to the client that they did not clean the top of the fridge because they did not see it and it was an honest mistake as a possible explanation.
On the other side of the sidewalk, how do I train someone who most likely has been beaten down in life routinely and regularly to have confidence to practice looking beyond what their natural eyes can see? It’s absolutely been a quandary I have been working on solving. But all people see is that I run a a business in one of the least sexy trades and they think that anyone can do (though they may not say it out loud). There can be a level of dismissiveness included in the recipe of how they see me. AND that may not be true at all.
However, as sometimes that is a possibility, I have chosen to take that into account in how I show up. People often miss the honor and gifts of learning how to scrub a toilet to the best of our ability. Who we are shows up in all that we do. There are days that I am living the dream, then I come home to be my daughter’s favorite butt wiper or a bidet that is clogged and overflowing. Those parts of life are living the dream, too. Let me do them with joy, even if I am groaning. Groaning is often one of the ingredients of our laughter in a different season.
Understanding Cost
Well… back to the point of the blog, I never got to the concrete around understanding costs. As a mentor said, I love a good preamble. But the truth is, the more we understand the sidewalk, the dream, the picture on the front end. If I prioritize creating the picture on the backend, it will be worth a 1,000 words.
So why did I prioritize writing about dusting instead of the concrete FYIs around understanding costs? And why did I prioritize those stories about dusting, when I have several more life lessons about dusting? Because context matters.
If you do not understand context, you cannot understand nuance. If you can understand nuance then how can you will be clear of why and where on the sidewalk is the best place to walk. How do you know if you are to walk on the outside or the inside? Oh, how we rush to just let me walk. We resent the time to prioritize context. But what if that is what you need for the clarity you are longing for?
Could I be more efficient in my words? Yes. Could I practice sharing one story at a time so it can anchor in? Yes. Do I often bury the headline and that be kind of frustrating? Yes. I am very self aware and make great investments to uplevel my side of the communication side walk. Yes. AND I am so so grateful in this season for those who are willing to practice listening to understand. Those who are willing to invest the upfront cost, the hours of patience to truly translate listening to understanding. Who are willing to do the work to get to the “a-ha” and not default to it’s easier to just misunderstand her, let’s reject.
For both sides of this communication sidewalk, the reward is the gift of the deeper truths of the heart. It’s ironic. I had shared with a friend that good writing is written to one, though broadcast to all. As we are who we are, regardless of whether I am cleaning crap or delivering a dream training, this message was for the plural ones. There are multiple real relationships in different roles and contexts, but all of them are real, very real.