It can sound a little idealistic — even a bit holier-than-thou — when someone says, “I have a growth mindset. How about you?”
The undertone can easily become that growth mindset people are somehow “better” than those with a fixed mindset.
But even growth mindset has its own illusions.
The most dangerous lie is often the one closest to the truth.
When we become disillusioned, that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Disillusion simply means an illusion has been removed.
The word illusion comes from the Latin illudere:
in / il — into or upon
ludere — to play.
Originally it meant to deceive or mock by play.
Often the reason illusions persist is that we are only seeing one side of a paradox. And learning to see both sides is often the gateway to wisdom.
So what is the illusion of growth mindset?
That growth means life becomes sunshine, puppy dogs, unicorns, and rainbows. That once we embrace growth, everything floats effortlessly toward happiness, health, wealth, and harmony.
But there is a missing piece.
An old proverb says:
Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean.
But where there are oxen, there is abundant harvest.
In other words, if you want the abundance the oxen produce, you must also deal with the manure.
The real skill of growth mindset is not positive thinking.
The real skill is learning how to shovel shit.
First in our own lives.
And then in service to others.
A master farmer understands that manure is not waste, it is fertilizer. It can be transformed into something that grows life.
But most leaders try to avoid the manure.
It smells.
It’s messy.
It’s uncomfortable.
Yet the reason the grass is greener on the other side of the road is simple.
That’s where the manure is.
Even this skill has its own paradox.
There are two sides to shoveling.
The honor side.
If you bake a batch of brownies and add one-eighth of a teaspoon of manure, you cannot remove one-eighth of a teaspoon afterward and serve the rest to your guests. Well technically you can but…….
The transformation side.
When a caterpillar enters the chrysalis, the entire creature dissolves, including its digestive system, before becoming a butterfly.
Transformation includes the whole being.
Love works this way too.
Real love doesn’t pretend the mess isn’t there.
It transforms the whole person.
I began learning about honor in my mid-twenties when I read Intimacy with God by Joy Dawson. As I read it, a picture came to mind.
Holding a newborn baby.
Would I throw that baby across the room?
Of course not.
Why?
Because the baby is precious.
When I look at people, I often see their hearts in a similar way, like a newborn baby. Tender. Sacred. Valuable.
If I want to live a full life, loving well and stewarding well, then honoring people’s hearts becomes a priority.
Now, I don’t always execute that perfectly. I can be socially awkward and sometimes hurt people unintentionally. But my intention has always been to treat people’s hearts with care.
Part of that instinct comes from my family.
Honor was deeply valued in our home. In many ways, that was a beautiful gift.
But there was little room for the other side of the paradox: transformation.
In our system, belonging often required managing your “one-eighth teaspoon of manure” carefully. The acceptable path was clear: get married, live respectably, and keep things tidy.
Then they got me as a sister.
An entrepreneur.
Someone wired for transformation.
That tension came to a head when I made one of the most courageous decisions of my life.
I chose to become a mother as a single woman through embryo adoption.
It was terrifying.
At one point, my sister told me the only way I could be accepted back into the family would be to give my children back to their genetic parents.
That moment revealed something painful but also clarifying.
Systems built only on honor often cannot tolerate transformation.
Choosing motherhood required me to face rejection, loneliness, and fear.
But it also required me to live the paradox I now teach:
Sometimes courage means honoring people…
while refusing to abandon the truth of who you are becoming.
Ironically, motherhood itself became my greatest teacher in transformation.
Watching my children grow has deepened my understanding of paradox in ways no leadership book ever could.
Parenting constantly requires holding two truths at once.
You honor the child’s heart.
And you guide their transformation.
You protect AND guard them.
And you challenge them.
You love them completely.
And you help them grow beyond who they are today.
Motherhood didn’t just make me a parent.
It expanded my capacity to hold the tension between honor and transformation.
And the truth is, growth mindset is not sunshine and rainbows.
Growth mindset is becoming a master shit shoveler.
It’s learning how to take the manure life gives you and turn it into soil where something new can grow.
It’s honoring people’s hearts while still embracing the messy, uncomfortable process of transformation.
Because real growth doesn’t happen in clean barns.
It happens in fertile soil.
And fertile soil always starts with manure.
Where in your life right now are you being invited to honor someone’s heart while still embracing the messy work of transformation?
#CarpeDiemLeadership
#HeartLeadership
#StewardYourHeart